How self indulgent

Hey you guys. I’ve been meaning to blog for ages, and I tell you what, my typing speed has really slowed! Anyway, I think the last blog was 10th June – was it? No, 10th July. OK so here is a run down of what has happened since then:

OK, Mel started working at The Northern on the 18th, and now works alongside me there. We went to Leeds to celebrate Nick’s birthday and had tapas which was alright. Luckily this time I didn’t offend anyone (that I know of!) so it was definitely more successful than the last trip there. I always feel a bit… I don’t know. Hard to explain really. I want Jonny’s friends to really like me, but I don’t think there’s anything I could do to bring that about. They’ve all known each other for so long, it’s sort of like starting school way after everyone else has made firm friendship circles. Doesn’t mean you aren’t accepted or included… it’s just not the same is it. I don’t know. I enjoy spending time with them, seeing them all happy together, that’s enough. There’s always some drama between the couples too.

Isn’t it strange how when you first meet someone or you don’t know them that well, you’re far more prepared to suffer them – put up with shit that you’d never let your boyfriend, siblings or best mate get away with? I bet some people would say that they treat everyone the same, but actually that’s bollocks. For example, Jonny behaves really childishly sometimes, and I’m always very quick to give him grief about it. But if someone was introduced to me and did baby voices and jumped around like a five year old I *probably* wouldn’t say anything.

It was LOADS of people’s birthdays – Geek’s, Ryan’s, Wendy’s and Emma M’s. I mostly bailed and was crap – due to working and also not having any money. It’s not really like me – I like to make a big deal out of birthdays – but it just hasn’t been much cop lately. We went to Alton Towers for Ryan’s birthday, which is becoming something of a tradition now.

Phil did his driving test on the 12th of August, and passed. It wasn’t without a LARGE portion of Watson drama, OF COURSE, things never run smoothly. Luckily it’s all been sorted now… getting a little sick of it myself to be honest.

WENT ON HOLIDAY on the 13th of August, unlucky 13. Holiday got off to a very bad start, to the point where I seriously felt like turning around, coming back home, and never speaking to anyone ever again. On top of that, I’m not very beautiful when I’m upset. My already fat round face goes all puffy and blotchy, red and white, like some terrible disease. People looking on (and there were lots of them) must have thought someone had died. Jonny was reasonably supportive to begin with and then he got pissed off and we fell out (a theme of the holiday). In the end, stuff was sorted out and we had some serious fun. I do love going on holiday. I’d travel all around if I could – when I have lots of disposable income that’s what I’ll do.

So, you can view the photos on facebook for a fairly detailed illustration of what went on. Highlights included eating fish, Tivoli World, and poolside games, seeing little Indi and pastries from Opencor.

So I got back, worked that weekend, and basically went back into the routine of the past few months. I’ve been working at the Northern now for 3 months, it’s still all good there. Love everyone there in their own way, which is ace. I’ve got a terrible cold at the moment which is pretty disgusting.

I feel like I need to say something about the date today – of course it’s the anniversary of the destruction of the world trade center by terrorists. I watched that programme about it a few days ago, 102 minutes that changed america. Well really it changed the world, let’s not fuck around here. The way I see it, atrocities have been going on since, well, forever. People in positions of power have abused them, done unspeakable, horrific things – all throughout history. But distant history doesn’t affect us, yeah it’s terrible but y’know. What happened happened.

But this is really some other kind of shit. If someone shoots someone in a far away country somewhere, it’s sad. If someone shoots someone in the same country as you, it’s deplorable. But for all of America, and ‘The West’, this felt like someone shooting our cousin in our own backyard. It got personal, you know? I think that’s why it pissed everyone off so much.

It was shockingly awful… watching people panicking, bodies flying out of the buildings. Upset me really. It’s right that we should remember it. It was really incredible. Sometimes I have idle thoughts, like, what would happen if….? If there was a massive earthquake or something. It’s like that… but, it actually happened.

I think about things too much sometimes… death, life, people. I’d bore you with the details. I get overemotional about little things. I can’t abide cruelty or thoughtlessness, that’s why I try to be mindful of what I say and do.

Over the past few weeks the question of THE FUTURE has been cropping up. And by this of course we mean The Plan, the 1 year, 5 year, 10 year and would you believe it even The Rest Of Your Life plan. The question being: what am I going to do? Where am I going to live? Who am I going to be with?

In December I’ll be 25. And right now, what do I have? I have nothing. I’m not settled, I’m not unsettled. Sort of still in student limbo a bit.

In the short term I’m going to graduate, and probably look for a Real Job, ie career. I’ve been thinking about going back to Sheffield… but I’m really unsure.

Right now I can’t really even discuss it here because it might affect how things turn out. I need to talk to Jonny, see how I can manage my time, and assess what outcomes I would like.

So since I’ve nothing more constructive to say, I will leave it at that. I’m fairly content generally… and to put it in perspective, I’m not making a final phonecall or jumping out of the 100th floor of a burning building, am I?

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GIVE ME A JOB!

Hello again, how are you? Nice weather today isn’t it? Was a little overcast yesterday and a sneaky wind.

OK enough small talk.

So I’m still looking for a job, a proper full time one that is. I am having growing concerns about how I’m going to pay for everything for the summer, mainly the holiday but also lots of other little things. I’ve handed my CV around town and I’m sure I’ve applied for around 70 different jobs online now since I got here… most of which have been rejected outright, or my CV is being ‘kept on file’, whatever that means. Who has ever been offered a job after having their CV ‘kept on file’ for months?

I honestly didn’t think that this recession malarky had affected me much, but it is SERIOUSLY difficult to get a job.

Of course it would be much easier if I could just win a load of money from somewhere. Thankfully things never get to starvation/homelessness levels thanks to the unwavering generosity of my Financial Advisor at the Bank Of Pops, which has reported its biggest losses to date and lowest residual funds for a long time and yet STILL grants emergency loans and credit top-ups on completion of the usual application. Only a small amount of coercion persuasion needed. Now it’s even easier to apply, either online or via SMS – decision within hours! For large amounts of credit, unashamed begging and sham repayment plans may be necessary.

Of course the ultimate aim is to be independent from the Bank Of Pops, but that doesn’t look likely this year. I’m still at uni til this time next year – but results for what I’ve got so far are pleasing anyway. The ultimate question is what to do with my life AFTER uni. Having a degree doesn’t seem to make *that* much of a difference to job hunting… except for graduate schemes. That’s the way to go I think. I’d love to move to London and work for someone like Iris. I’ve also always longed to go back to France… somewhere south this time. For like a year. That would be immense. But will only be possible after I’ve graduated, and will only be worth it if I end up fluent. I’d have to go deep into the countryside probably. But I don’t want to milk cows or work 50 hour weeks or something. I could be an au pair, I’m well good with kids. Anyway…

I’m working tonight, I’ll have to set off early to find a car parking space or else I might get towed away again – that would be absolutely NOT COOL.

I had so much I wanted to blog about but I’ve been distracted now so I’ll go and possibly carry on tomorrow.

Keep your fingers crossed someone offers me an amazing perfect job for loads of money. Until then, it’s bar work, Bank of Pops, and then eBay desperation, in that order.

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Mes rêves…(amha)

When I say I’ve got loads more to blog about, what I usually mean is that I have had lots of thoughts that I wanted to share. Mostly dreams, which I don’t think I will ever cease to find totally fascinating – I dream so vividly and some dreams leave such a lasting impression on me. Jonny says he can never remember his dreams, but I know that he does dream, because he twitches about and murmurs in his sleep, especially in REM just before he wakes up.

I remember my dreams as I wake up, and usually want to tell them to someone/write them down straightaway. Unfortunately Jonny is rarely interested, friends like my best friend Sammy are the best to sleep near because she at least pretends to be interested. Sometimes I wake up early, like at 6am or something, having had a really good dream, wanting to remember it for later, and when I finally get up I can never remember it. Sometimes I can wake up, and then fall back to sleep and ‘re-enter’ the same dream.

I have loads of theories about stuff to do with dreams; some from reading on the subject and other people’s opinions that I agree with. I think that in your everyday conscious life, you collect images, sounds and smells, and even experiences, and your brain uses this as a language so that when you sleep you can express things. They reckon that you can actually remember everything that has ever happened to you, but that you can only recall some stuff, most recent stuff and then very significant things that have happened to you. This is because when you associate a memory with an emotion it becomes really strong and more important to you – I suppose this is because you can then seek out good stuff again (love/happiness/exhiliration), and avoid the bad stuff (anger/conflict/sadness). It’s also long-forgotten memories that prompt feelings of deja vu too. When you get in your car for the zillionth time, or see a face that you encounter every day, you don’t get a sense of deja vu then – because you expect things to be the same as you remember them. It’s when it’s a series of events occur that are very similar to a series of events that have occured in the past that you get that uncanny feeling that you’ve been here before. I think this is because we lose the ability to distinguish between extremely similar things; places, faces, even turns of phrase, when we are very young. So when you meet someone new and you feel like you’ve already met them, in that place and saying those things, it’s because you have probably been in a very similar situation long ago that you forgot about but is still imprinted there somewhere. And you make instant connections with this new experience and the almost identical old memory. That explains the feeling, I think. It’s not hard to imagine, we see so many things and go through so many things every day – and so much goes in subconsciously. Sometimes I try to take things in consciously: to note the colour of things or patterns or how things feel, things I see every day. You have to keep refreshing it or it loses vividity. A recurring complaint that I’ve noticed of people who have lost a close friend or relative is that the face of the person lost begins to fade in their memory, which I bet is distressing.

I think it’s these memories, their associations and then recent experiences that shape our dreams. I also agree with the concept of that repressing things can make them come out in your dreams, too. I think it’s because we need to feel certain things, go through them, learn from them, emotionally. This is why you will dream of disgusting or replusive stuff, immoral stuff, and downright STRANGE stuff. It’s like your mind saying ‘what do you think of this..?’ and ‘how would you react to this…?’. I often dream of my dad’s death, and it’s completely disturbing, I hate it. But I understand it to mean that 1) it’s on my mind, 2) I can’t/won’t/don’t need to deal with it in my waking life, and 3) I am ‘training’ and ‘testing’ my emotional responses to it in my safe place.

I also often dream of flying, or it features in my dreams as part of something bigger anyway. I have to swim through the air, and concentrate really hard. I use it to escape from situations, mostly. I can fly so high, right above the clouds and very fast sometimes. Other times I find I am trying to fly and can’t, or can’t get very far.

One of my most recent dreams was about me being in the 50s, and WW2 was on (I know it ended in 1945, shh), and I was in this unique position to change things, because I was from the present and I sort of knew what would happen. However, no matter what I did, who I killed, what events I changed, all they did was spur on a new set of events which led to the same eventual outcome. In other words, I couldn’t stop the war, or people from dying, no matter how much I tried or whatever I did. In the end, the dream concluded with the realisation that no matter what I do, things will end up the same anyway. And I can have a good guess at the ‘mental material’ used for this dream. Well I’ve been looking at vintage clothing with Mel, I read a book called ‘The Lost Art of Keeping Secrets’ by Eva Rice, I went to the Imperial War Museum. I also read ‘The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas’ by John Boyle; then watched it with Jonny when I found the DVD in ASDA.

I’m not sure I completely agree with fatalist ideas. I don’t know. I don’t think I’ve finished thinking about it. Same with time travel, as marvellous as it sounds. I’m generally open-minded. I think I would be more inclined to believe in fantastical things if something fantastical had ever happened to me before, but nothing miraculous has ever happened to me. I live in hope.

So…. that’s what I think anyway.

Back to the land of the living, so to speak, it’s 41 days til holiday and I currently have £0 in the holiday fund. I am working from 9 til 5am tonight. I’ve still got to tidy up the flat as my things are still everywhere and it all needs sorting out, but I really can’t be bothered. I went to see Transformers 2 with Jonny, Mel, Harry, Rochelle and Jordan on Wednesday – it was in the IMAX, which is always awesome, and I really enjoyed it, having accepted it for what it was. Plus I have a crush on Shia – he’s just one of those people who you can tell you’d like to have in your life.

what a lovely young man...

Also, was in the northern quarter yesterday with Mel and went past a ‘games’ shop, can’t remember what it was called, but I was sucked in by a poster of Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen. I wonder if I am too old to have this poster on my wall.

Edward, so troubled <3

 

I think that’s all I have time for now. Maybe time for more over the weekend.

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Moving on…

So I wasn’t sure what to name this blog entry, sometimes I write them and then think of an appropriate title afterwards, I might still do that. Since I haven’t updated since 16th of May, I’ll give you a quick run down of everything of note to date. On May 19th I went to see Derren Brown with Tom Brown - it was basically amazing. I am totally, completely in love with Derren, he’s so intelligent and witty and charismatic. Yes I am aware that he’s gay, and I love him all the more for it. Sometimes I wonder if he could put his abilities to a better use ( a la Paul McKenna), not only could he cure  phobias and make people more confident and just generally improve lives, I know he could do even more than that – but then again who am I to preach to people what they should and should not do with their talents. He’s also an amazing writer <3…

Anyway, later that week I went to Manchester to register with some employment agencies, takes hours of your time and then you sit around for weeks waiting for a job, but it’s got to be done. For the record it’s now 6 weeks later and I’m still waiting for any temp work…

That weekend I borrowed The Range and went to Alton Towers with the SHU Drama crew, which was a pretty awesome day all round, gorgeous weather, spent all day with Beckett (then Liam and Gav) and we had a very relaxed day.

Gav, Beckett, Gem (& Liam!)

The week after that I spent most of my time jobhunting to no avail, and moving stuff across to Manchester from Sheffield – I’ve got so much *stuff* it’s unreal. On the 3rd of June it was Rochelle’s birthday and we popped across to Leeds for some drinkies. We started early in the day so by tea time/early evening I was staggering around and we were all proper tired. By like 1am or something we gave up and went back to Rochelle’s to sleep it off. Jonny and I had to get up in the morning though because he had work and of course I am the taxi driver.

I carried on applying for jobs and also went for some evening/bar work too, which I got interviews for straight away. I went for interviews at Panacea (posh), Prohibition (underground), Loaf (young) and The Northern (cosy). Debi at the Northern offered me a trial shift on the Saturday night. She’s really lovely, and kind of reminds me of Kay, Curtis’ mum. So I worked the shift, and I can tell you it’s an absolute killer. Luckily I caught on really fast and they’ve kept me on, so I now officially work at The Northern!

On the 15th of June, Jordan hired a canal barge as a sort of continuation of Rochelle’s birthday celebrations. Everyone came; Nick & Katie, Pat & Flo, Harry & Jonny. I was totally gutted because I had to go to Uni for a meeting on the Tuesday so I didn’t get to be a part of the main adventures. However I met back up with them in Manchester city centre on the Tuesday night, and slept on the barge. On Wednesday it rained all day, it was quite miserable weather but there was something romantic about it I thought. Some people live on canal barges, and what a life it must be.

On the Wednesday Ryan my baby bro and his girlfriend Lizzy came to Manchester to see us and stay over. We went to the imperial war museum and ASDA, and that’s about it. It was nice having them to stay though

Lizzy & Ryan

Mel - Camp Smells

Jonny & I

 That weekend I did another two shifts at The Northern, which almost finished me. I am getting more used to it, but my poor feet! Think I am going to invest in some MBTs or something like that. As a result I missed Fisher’s 21st birthday (sorry Fish x) back in Sheffield.

Last week it was Nipa’s birthday, then I went to see Brand New with Jonny and his friends at the academy. It was quite hot and sticky, but was actually rather good and I got suitably drunk anyway. Met Mel afterwards and we stayed out even though everyone else bailed. Jonny did a little bit of sick on himself, perhaps in protest at abandonment, and we staggered down to this pub called big hands (or something). Carried on drinking and making dicks of ourselves, then we started chatting to these Americans behind us. Jonny and Tristan had disappeared somewhere. They were like, ‘oh yeah we just came to the UK for the show’, and I said ‘oh I was there too’. They asked what I thought of it, and (not realising who it was) I said ‘well it was OK. It’s impressive how many people come out to see them, and the songs I knew I really liked but the rest was kind of boring. Plus it was too hot’ which fortunately they all thought was hilarious. Then one of the guys told us he was the tour manager, and we were actually sitting with the bassist, drummer and crew, along with Kevin Devine who I’d been chatting complete shit to for the past half an hour. I was a little embarrassed to say the least. But what lovely guys they were!

Pat, Harry, Jonny, Jordan, Rochelle, Nick & Katie

 This week we also found out that Michael Jackson has died. Mel came and woke me up to tell me about it. We watched BBC News 24 for a while. We were all quite shocked. I’m not quite sure what to say about it here, I think everyone has said everything that needs to be said on the subject, his death seems to be just as much of a circus freak show in the media as his life was. My parents always played a lot of music to us whilst we were growing up, and we would listen to Michael Jackson a lot in the car on long journeys. As children we made up dances and routines to his songs and performed them in the front room for the sum of 10p per person. I remember when the tickets were released for the concerts he planned to do here in the UK, and everyone desperate to get them except me. To me, it wasn’t the Michael Jackson I grew up with, just his body like a shell and him not really in there anymore. It’s sad for his kids, and sadder to think that the next generation will never know him alive, but his songs will live on and that’s good enough for me.

This week I’m moving out of Peveril for good, still looking for a full time job, and doing more part time shifts at the bar. I’ve got to get Growler serviced/new tyres/brake pads this week, plus a few other little things.

My skin is bad and I keep falling out with Jonny, it’s stressing me out a bit, but if that’s all I have to worry about then I’m not too unfortunate am I really?

Got loads more to blog about but I’ve run out of time now – more tomorrow I think.

See thee soon.

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Eurovision

This post doesn’t really have anything to do with Eurovision, but I have watched it for years and years. I know it’s all fixed and political and yada yada, and now that Terry Wogan has gone there’s no real reason to watch it, but Emma M is having a Eurovision party at Emma T’s flat so I’m going along. It’s also Lydia’s birthday on Monday so she’s coming to as it’s her birthday weekend and it’s basically the law to get trashed on your birthday weekend. I have particular skillz & experience in this.

So… went to Manchester again this week, to see the sis and boyf, and take boyf to work and pick him up from work and then take him home to Sheffield. Yesterday we went into Evans (this is where aforementioned boyf works) and I had a little look at the Pashley that I love… tried the medium. Too big. I need a small. But they don’t have a small one in the store in pink, only a pastel blue one, which is nice… but… come on. You’ve got to have the pink one.

So I didn’t really show much interest in bikes, even though Jonny works lives and breathes bikes, and has gently tried to coax me into getting one/showing some kind of enthusiasm.

I think the thing is… I drive. You know? My car is ace. I haven’t had a bike since I was like, 12. So we’re talking WELL over a decade since I’ve been on one. My car basically negates a bike. Plus, I’ve kind of been of the opinion that people that use bikes as their main mode of transport are people that can’t drive, or can’t afford a car. Them, and everyone under the age of 13.

HOWEVER. I saw the Pashley in Jonny’s work:

love at first sight

So basically, yeah. Pretty much exactly like the bikes I had when I was little, which of course, were the best kind. Jonny said that really he wanted me to get a mountain bike, so we can ride up mountains together and shit like that. But come on, how many mountains am I *really* going to ride up? However, I won’t mind doing some leisurely rides by the canal on this baby. Plus you can even wear a skirt and not look like a total dickhead (unlike a hardcore mountain bike).

But they’re a lot of pennies so we may have to wait and see on that one.

Speaking of things I totally WANT, we went to the Trafford Centre last night for food and walkies round shops, and I saw these in the shoe section of John Lewis:

Of course it would be a waste of time trying to decide whether to get black or red, naturally you’d have to get both. At £140 a pair, they’re not exactly cheap I know. But come on. They’re called Astound, from Carvela at Kurt Geiger (just as a side note, do you think Kurt Geiger would ever employ me? I’d happily be paid in shoes.)

Jonny said my taste in fashion is distinctly ‘tranny’. I’m not sure if that’s an insult.

Do I look like a tranny?

Anyway. So I’m back in Sheffield, sorting out a few things, and mainly applying for jobs online in Manchester. The only ones I can see are sort of call centre/admin ones… so I’ve applied for a few. Anything will do at the moment as the Bank of Pops is on the verge of going under and is not doing any risky lending right now. I’m thinking of working a few nights too to maximise £. Obviously, no matter what job I get (and, I will get one) I’ll put 100% into it, but it won’t be something I want to do, really.

Thinking of dream jobs… I’d love to be some kind of travel writer, or work for a fashion magazine, or publishing… I’d love to get paid to test sports cars and go to massive parties with free champagne. I’d love to win ANTM and be the most successful winner… only I’m not American, I’m 5′4″½ and I have a strange moon pig face and bad skin. Not the best prospects then.

But being realistic… nobody is going to pay me to write, or look fabulous, or smooze with rich clients and drink champagne. At best I’ll be answering phones, filing, and getting paid minimum wage. Ace.

Having a job like that would be more bearable if I had a pink Pashley and lots of Kurt Geiger shoes.

I’m off now to scan some photos from youth times (and possibly upload selected ones to facebook), I’ve got a massive archive to get through. And I can’t be arsed revising.

DERREN BROWN ON TUESDAY! I wish I had his skillz. Then Kurt Geiger would DEFINITELY employ me and give me free shoes and possibly a sports car and champagne.

Materialistic? Fuck off. I’m a vegetarian. I have morals and care about animals and shit like that too.

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Les examens, proper bof

So it’s coming towards the end of the academic year (thank FUCK), and I have two exams – one on Wednesday 13th and the last one on Monday the 18th. 18thC romance and 20thC fiction respectively.

I tried to hand some work in today, only to find that the deadline was actually last week, which means I’ve missed the deadline, which means I’ve failed the module. It used to be, that you could automatically redo whatever part you’ve failed (ie, resit) in August. However, if you don’t hand SOMETHING in, you just automatically fail. If I’d handed a piece of paper in, I would be allowed to redo it over summer (capped at 40%). Now, because I’m a dickhead, I will have to retake the module next year, which is no biggie in the large scheme of things as I had to come back anyway and won’t graduate til November 2010 in any case. The fact that I am basically 21 aside, I will be almost 26 by the time I graduate.

This is not very good, I admit.

What’s worse is, people don’t want to employ *potential*. They want *skills*.

I went in to Uni today (shock horror, fuck off) and seeing everyone buzzing around the Adsetts, going to their seminars, reading textbooks and journals… most of them seemed really enthusiastic. Seeing them so enthusiastic made me feel a bit enthusiastic. But I’m not that naive: I’ve been here a lot longer than all of them. The enthusiasm wears off almost invariably after 2 to 3 weeks of boring lectures/seminars.

This year I was most disappointed with Literary Editing – this being one of those aforementioned skills that employers want. Turns out our literary editing module actually has nothing to do with literary editing, and from what I could gather (within two seminars, before I stopped going) it was more about arranging poetry recitals from other people… wtf. No thanks.

So that’s that; when you’re old enough to know better, Uni is a load of bollocks.

Anyway, did I tell you about my hair? I cut it all off. Not personally.

Before: pretty bad skin & slightly conjuncty eye. But more hair.

 

 

After: not the same light. Hair covering conjuncty eye – but you can see what I mean. I also look slightly more pleased with myself.

 

I’m still just getting used to it – it actually takes a very similar amount of time to style as before, unfortunately. I’m also having a little trouble with the colour, now that some of it is bleached proper, and some of it is just dyed old school ammonia style – bleach gives it a very singular, platinum blonde colour, ammonia and peroxide dyes can go a little brassy. Doesn’t matter which you have, as long as it’s the same, but I’ve got a sort of two tone effect going on. Will have to sort this before summer.

Also: skin is very, very bad today. Which also happened to be the day I came on… noticing a pattern here. Bad thing is, my periods are long and frequent, which means long and frequent bad skin – seriously, no matter what I do. Am half considering asking if they’ll let me go back on the pill – even just for 6 months to see if it makes a difference. Could do with regulating/lightening my periods again too :-S

Too much information? Soz.

So: this weds I have the 18th C exam. On Saturday it’s Emma M’s eurovision party @ Emma T’s, to which I am going to see if I can invite Lydia as it’s her birthday weekend. The following Monday it’s 20thC fiction exam, then on Tuesday it’s DERREN BROWN. Yes, the man himself. God I hope he talks to me. I am seriously smitten – genius doesn’t really suffice. Then that weekend, I’m borrowing Pops’ car (the RANGE darling….!) and we’re having a SHU Drama trip to Alton Towers. Oh I do hope it’s good weather…

 

Woop.

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Wank holiday weekend.

Howdy y’all,

so it’s wank holiday weekend, which still means nothing to me, because every weekend could be a bank holiday as far as I’m concerned as I have no job, and could technically spend all day every day of the week doing fuck all (and frequently do). I’ve brought Jonny back to Sheffield with me, so that we can study together. For moral support and that. So we can motivate each other. So far we have done a total of ZERO amount of work, but we have high hopes for the rest of the day. I’m currently half way through running a bath (hot water ran out), and after we’ve had a bath, we’re TOTALLY going to do LOADS of work. Jonny has an exam on Wednesday, then Wednesday night it’s Gallows (as I think I mentioned before). Thursday is The Antics. So looks like I’ll be doing a Manchester-Sheffield-Manchester-Sheffield-Manchester run this week. The upside of all of this driving is that I’m getting loads of miles under my belt (like…. 18k so far in Growler), which basically improves your driving. I’m also totally chilled out when it comes to traffic, no lane hopping or tooting the horn malarky for me. I’ve narrowly avoided dozens of collisions (none of which were my fault I’m happy to note), all of which are from people *simply not looking*. Yes you do have mirrors for a reason, but it isn’t illegal to move your ACTUAL head to see either. Twats. The downside of driving so far is petrol costs and tyre wear, both of which are the bane of my driving life atm.

I think my optimism for winning the lottery has rubbed off a bit on Jonny as he’s now started to play. He’s even planned what he’d do with the £110m he’s going to win on the euromillions. He’s said he’d generously give me 20% of anything he won… so thats…. £22m. He asked what I’d do with it… well. Obviously, give it all to my Pops, lest I fritter it all away. And maybe keep… like, 200k for frittering over summer.

It’s almost got to the point now where I’m actually *disappointed* that I haven’t won. I’m so deluded. Like, you know when people win they’re all like ‘omg I can’t believe it, I never thought I’d win it’s like impossible’ etc, well, I’d be like that 95%. 5% of me would be like ‘yeah, it’s about time I won. Always knew I was gonna.’

If all of this sounds like the ramblings of an unemployed brat who doesn’t know the value of money, then it probably is.

Right, I’ve got a bath to run, so I’d better get off. Then rest of day is definitely going to be spent doing scriptwriting. Seriously.

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Socialising

Hello again. I’m supposed to be doing some work for next week, which I am currently neglecting… seriously losing the will to live with this workload, have virtually no motivation to do it. Jonny is the same. When we’re together, we never get anything done, even though we say we will. I’m not even joking, we just watched ‘10 messiest divorces’ or something on E!, and ate some chips.

So on Thursday, I went to see my friend and had my hair cut… not sure if I had mentioned it… but I’ve been umming and ahhhing about doing it for seriously, like, a year. What finally did it was… I was watching The Inbetweeners with Tom Brown, and all of the girls at the school had hair exactly like mine. And thinking back, my hair has been the same for YEARS, except for that short spell of brunetteness. So, I did it. So funny; everyone was like… ‘are you SURE you want to do this?’, yes yes, I’m a big girl, just chop it and I’ll deal with it.

Turns out I actually love it, plus the ends of my hair were terrible. Short hair: perfect for summer.

And of course nobody is  going to say ’shheeeet look at your hair’ to my face, but generally the reception has been good, ‘it really suits you’ being echoed a lot. At the end of the day (another annoying phrase sorry), if you get home and look in the mirror and you like it, then all is well. Everyone else can take a running jump. But luckily everyone does like it. I guess, it’s only hair after all, right? But no matter what anyone says hair does matter. Relatively speaking.

So Thursday, I went to Manchester to pick up the boyf and also to take one sister to the centre of town. The traffic was unreal, but I don’t really get stressed about it. Jonny does, however.

We got to Leeds at like 7.20, got ready quickly and then went round to Katie’s. We went to the Cancer Bats gig, just the four of us. Not really my thing but actually it was OK, I was in a really good mood. We went to a few bars and ended up in this place which I don’t remember the name of, only that it was smoky and there were lots of little sort of… caves. I don’t think Nick was in a good mood all night, he’s got loads of work on at the moment, like, seriously loads of exams and stuff, which is fair enough. I think Katie had a good time though and that was why we were there, so success in that respect. We got these battered mushroom things, garlic bread, pizza and all sorts and went back to Nick’s. I can’t say I remember very much of the latter part of the evening, but apparently I was quite drunk and rude and abusive… ooops. I can be a dick when I’ve had a drink. Downside is I think I came off a little harsh to some people which has resulted in general ill-feeling for me, not very nice, horrible atmosphere :-S normally I wouldn’t give a shit – I’ve got enough friends, people who actually know me – but I do want Jonny’s friends to like me. So that pretty much upset me last night a lot, but you know what? I think I’ll get over it.

To cheer me up, Jonny made me an omelette this morning – yum – and we went for what turned into a 3 hour walk down the canal by his Pops’ house. It has been a beautiful day here, sun out, a little breeze – not too hot. Jonny was telling me about the things he and Jordan did when they were younger, the places they used to go and scrapes they got themselves in. It reminded me a little of the weekends we used to spend when I was younger, with my siblings, in country parks and other rural places our parents took us. Nice memories. Anyway, despite being covered up we both caught the sun a little

Tomorrow we’re going to try and be productive with the Uni work, Jonny’s off now until Friday I think. Next Wednesday he has an exam, then we’re going to see Gallows – something Jonny has been looking forward to for ages, not sure who else is going but I think I’ll just keep my head down with them lot from now on. It probably won’t be a big night anyway because it’s still right in the middle of everyone’s exams.

The next day, I’m going to help with The Antics – can’t wait to see them in action after all the hype! :-p

I’ve got another deadline next week so I’ll just be focusing on that. Can’t wait for it all to be over (end of May) so I can concentrate on moving/getting a freaking job.

I think that’s it for now… no doubt will update again this week.

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Conjunctivitis

So I’ve failed so far this week in diet terms, having eaten toast, cheese, chips and crisps – and washing it all down with a lot of diet coke. Mostly this is because due to lack of food funds I have no fruit or veg in the house.

I had an irritated eye whilst I was driving home on Monday – or was it Sunday? – which has quickly developed into a very sore eye, conjunctivitis to be precise. I wouldn’t mind the pain, the itching, or anything – but it just LOOKS terrible. Of course I thought it would go away on its own, but I am wrong, says Nurse Fisher (housemate), and I am about to pop out to see if I can get some drops or something from the chemist. I don’t want to go to the doctors, it’s not like it’s anything *serious*… but it is seriously contagious, so I’ve been using antibacterial spray on my hands every five minutes.  I’ve had to take out my left contact lense, but I can keep the right one in. This makes for very interesting vision. Half vision. Feels a bit like you’ve only just woken up, but, permanently. Makes you feel very sleepy. Your eyes work together, and without them both, you can’t judge depth – which has led to me missing my mouth when I tried to have a drink yesterday :-S

I’ve got to finish off my literary editing work today – bit of a nightmare as there isn’t actually anything specific you need to hand in. I will, once again, make it all up.

Yesterday I went to see Coraline with Emma T – at the new cinema in meadowhall which is very swish. We had free tickets, and to our delight, it was a 3D film. The glasses they give you nowadays are immense – think rayban wayfarers – none of this square cardboard cut out nonsense with red and green acetate, oh no. We sneakily kept ours. I think Jonny will probably take a shine to them and adopt them from me…

The film was totally ace, and I’d definitely recommend it. I’d read that it was a modern take on Alice in Wonderland, but to be honest with you I couldn’t see that… apart from The Cat (my absolute favourite character), there wasn’t much else similar. It’s a perfectly good story on it’s own. Totally trippy though. Especially in 3D. Buttons for eyes? Nightmarish!

That’s all for now… better go sort out my gammy eye. Got to finish this work then I can go to Leeds with the boyf for a night of frolics with some of his team. I’ve got Katie some immense presents but I fear the main one won’t arrive til the weekend

Tallyho.

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Detox and that kinda shizz.

Hello again fair readers, I believe the last you heard was my dissertation panic, well, that’s over now.

And I expected a sense of relief, and I sort of got it, but it was overshadowed by the feeling of guilt at underachieving, knowing that what I handed in was a…. piece of shit. And nothing remotely resembling what I could have done if I’d spent a whole semester on it. Anyway – it’s over now. And there’s no point in me saying ‘I could have done this’ and ‘I’m capable of that’ because if you don’t prove it, it means fucking nothing.

I think the problems I’ve had with uni are so numerous that this is what it has come to. My main gripes have been that there is so little contact time, it’s almost not worth bothering going in. So then you stop going in. Not going in means you don’t make proper bonds with others from your course, so when you DO go in, nobody knows who you are, you don’t have a partner for tasks etc – demoralising at best. This semester I’ve basically been doing a distance course – I’ve done all the reading you see. I do read the lectures online, and all of the stuff we’re studying (even if it is all a load of wank a la Mrs Dalloway). This is how I manage to keep on top.

Anyway I don’t want to talk about uni any more, it’s depressing. Suffice it to say: I have about 4 assignment deadlines and two exams before the end of May, at which time it will be OVER and DONE with, and THANK FUCK. Until next semester of course, where I’ll be going back to repeat a fucking poetry module so that I can actually graduate. Yes you heard me right, I won’t graduate til 2010. I’ll be ALMOST 26. That’s the wrong side of 25, although of course I’ll still be 21 so it’s not so bad.

Got my new passport (ankers pops) which is decidedly less heinous than the previous one, although I do look very washed out, but it does have a chip/transmitter in it which is quite exciting. Hurrah for new ID. Hurrah for still needing ID.

Hitchhiker’s went AMAZINGLY, I love SHU Drama, and pretty much everyone in it. I even made friends with Waters (who apparently doesn’t hate me after all). Final night was awesome, and we did the usual self-congratulatory speeches, applauding and so forth. We’re not proper luvvies but there was a lot of ‘oh you were AMAZING’ ‘no YOU were AMAZING’ going on – nothing wrong with that though. Reminded me a bit of the end of school plays – to be honest they aren’t much different except we manage ourselves and you can’t legitimately get out of lessons to practise. I have to say I was a little disappointed at the lack of interest my family/boyfriend showed in the whole thing, it’s bigger than they realise. Pretty much everyone else’s friends/family/boyfriends went. I suppose mine are all sick of watching me prance around the stage like a dickhead by now. (But you’ll never guess who showed up for me on Weds night? Of course, the illustrious Yorkshire Boy! So he might not have made a special trip, but he came. Bless you YB.) Most of us went to Leadmill and I had too much black sambuca… and was sick, on the dancefloor if I remember correctly. It wasn’t a slurry/slump on the floor kind of sick though, it was more of a ‘oh, there’s some sick. Carry on!’ kind of sick. Which was nice. Met some new friends… strictly platonic of course. Foulksy went to A&E after bashing her skull – I bet it’s a delicate little skull, poor Foulksy. Some people got together openly, and others secretly…

Yes. Repeating poetry is shit but it means I can be part of SHU Drama for another year!

 

So anyway, the main point of this post is to tell you what IS going to happen. Well this week I’m starting a detox diet, which involves, quite simply, fruit and veg, and not much else. This will of course be easier for me as I already shun the flesh of other creatures, but as anyone who knows me will tell you (what a terrible phrase that is), I am not the biggest fan of vegetables – but they have grown on me as I’ve gotten older. Not literally of course that would be gross.

So basically, this diet is: I can eat any veg and fruit I want, as much as I want whenever I want. I can only drink water, the more of which is the better. I can also have unsalted nuts and pulses (like lentils and that kinda shizz). I also have to have some kind of oil (in small quantities) daily.

I have to cut out: salt, bread, eggs, butter, cheese, pasta, potatoes – basically what I normally eat! :-p

I don’t think it will be too hard. Fruit I already like includes: grapes, melons, apples, bananas, coconuts, pineapple, mangos, oranges (most kinds), peaches, and pears. Veg I already like includes: broccoli, cabbage, carrots, cauliflower, mushrooms, sweet potatoes (do they count as potatoes though? because I’m not supposed to have them), baby sweetcorn, butternut squash, spinach, green beans, parsnips and cucumber.

Fruit and veg I WILL NOT eat because I HATE: strawberries, kiwi, grapefruit, courgettes, chillies, ONIONS in all their forms, aparagus, aubergine, avocadoes, celery, peppers and tomatoes – I can have tomatoes if they’re mixed in with something else though.

Fruit and Veg I am going to try because I’m not sure if I like them or not: dragon fruit, karela, papaya, passion fruit, physalis, plums, casava, chayote, choi sum, dudhi, eddhoes, mooli, okra, pak choi, plantain, tindori, turia, yam, leeks, turnips, suede, marrow and beetroot.

I know you think I’ve made some of them up, but they’re real. That’s LOADS of stuff I could eat.

Thus commences my fresh food adventure: I’ll let you know how it all goes. I’m looking forward to weighing less, and having clearer skin… and more energy. We’ll see…

I’d better get on with this work anyway – I didn’t do any over the weekend because I went to help Mel move flat, and saw Jonny for a bit. This week we’re going to Leeds for Katie’s birthday, going to see Cancer Bats - cue lots of shouting, drinks getting thrown about, people losing their shoes, random acts of violence and mostly unwanted bodily contact from sweaty strangers. But them lot are pretty cool so it’ll be OK

Woop.

Also, finally, it’s Amanda Taylor’s birthday today, so if you know her, do give her your best wishes. Happy Birthday Amanda! (She’s the philosopher in Durham, and the one who died but didn’t die).

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