Well.
It’s been some time since I wrote anything here. Not that I haven’t wanted to, I’m just pretty lazy and most posts take a lot of time which really pushes the limits of my concentration span.
So. The last time I posted it was like September, and now we’re all fast-forwarded into November. Since then I have LOST my job. The company I was working for went into administration this month and as a result I have now joined the dole queue. “How the mighty have fallen” – thanks dad!
In the meantime I have been mostly looking for work, talking to recruitment agents (some better than others), slobbing around in my flat, and slobbing around at my dad’s house.
Seems to me that one of the main barriers for getting a good job is *direct experience*, which in some industries I can accept, but it makes me wonder a bit that if you start down a certain path there comes a point where there is NO RETURN and you are deemed unable to do any other job.
If you’re a sales bod then you must always do sales. Legal bloodsuckers must remain bloodsuckers.
Because of the work I did at GDA, I’m now finding it a lot easier to get my foot in the door with marketing jobs, which is hooray in one sense – however I am not really any different now to what I was 6 months ago, in terms of pure skillz. And it feels a little bit like I’ll now be doing marketing forever or be doomed to take a pay cut and start something else. Which is OK. ‘Cos I like marketing.
I’ve been thinking recently about the ‘big picture’, the ’10 year plan’, ‘the rest of my life’. Where do I want to be? What do I want to do?
My problem is that I want to do LOTS of things. I want to live in LOTS of places.
Sometimes I can’t get to sleep (and that’s unusual for me) because I have a million ideas buzzing around in my head. Today I had a business idea, partly inspired by the MAC makeover I had at the weekend. Think of the perfume that you would describe as ‘your scent’ – how did you come to always wear that one? Was it a gift many years ago? Did you smell it on someone else? Did a pushy saleswoman in Boots make you buy it? Like a personalised make over, why can’t you have a personalised scent profile? Imagine walking into a lovely boutique where you are asked specific questions that narrow down to a different selection of fragrances, then you smell a few, and you can take away samples of your favourites to try out before you commit to a £50 a bottle spend? That’s a lot to pay for a mistake. And we’ve all done it (or had well-meaning loved ones do it!). You could stock a massive selection, and keep the test ones in plain bottles so that the customer is focused on the scent and not the brand. Things like perfume and cosmetics are down to individual taste, and I think tailoring to that individuality would be very popular. Also, perfume costs bugger all to manufacture (relatively). It’s the aforementioned brand and the mammoth advertising that goes with it that you actually pay for. Which is fine, but who gives a shit if you’re wearing Chanel but you smell like a horse stable?
Anyway. Once an idea like that takes hold of me (usually once a day or so) I’m thinking about it. It gets bigger and bigger… I start to think about how I’d have my store laid out, what I’d call it (‘Narthecium’ for the perfume idea), what my staff would wear, even what my packaging would look like. I’ve thought about how I’d pitch it to the perfume manufacturers. I’ve thought about what I’d like the website to look like and how it would function, and how I would promote the concept.
Now I’ve written it down, it doesn’t seem like such an amazing idea. And probably in a month’s time, it’ll seem like a very silly idea.
I am plagued by these ideas.
There are some (mostly the silliest ones) that pop up time and again. For example, the cat feeding machine that’s on a timer, and releases a new batch of food at a specified time, that can store up to 7 days worth of food. Now that’s an idea for the dragon’s den if ever I thought of one! Hahaha! Sometimes I go through my thought process – what colour would the cat feeder be (purple) and what could you call it (meaowmeals?) – and I come up against a problem. Because cat owners feed their cats in different ways, some use tinned food, some use dried food, some give them pouches etc etc, how could you get around that? And how would you raise the money to manufacture it and put it out there? Well. You’d do a deal with Whiskas wouldn’t you. Make their food a custom fit.
ANYWAY.
I can’t believe I told you my cat feeding idea.
We’ll move on.
In personal love life news, I am still seeing Daniel a bit. We do still piss each other off, and frequently have a pop at each other. He’s quite volatile as far as mood goes. We’re not a perfect fit, and we both know it, hence why we’re not ‘together’. But something, I don’t know what it is, something works. I still see that vulnerability, that self-doubt which is sort of irresistible to me. His ‘too cool for school’ attitude both repels me and draws me in – in almost equal measure. I’ve learned that he is thoughtful, but it’s in his own strange way – such as feeding me (a lot), and offering to do things he knows I will like although he protests he will hate it (‘we can watch that film but as long as you know we’re watching it because you picked it – I don’t want to watch it’). I think we both watched a thing with Tim Minchin in it on telly once which we both enjoyed – he’s bought Tim Minchin tickets for my birthday. I think I’ve misinterpreted him in the past, for example, he would never ask my opinion about something or consult me – generally I’ve thought that this was because he thought he always knew better than me, but lately I’ve come to realise that he’s got this indestructible armour on. For him to ever say ‘I don’t know anything about this and I don’t know what to do and I need help’ would be an unacceptable admission of weakness. As he might say ‘it’s not all about you’.
It’s quite frustrating to be so emotionally entangled with someone so complicated. Most of my friends are at a bit of a loss as to why I persist with it, but then, if you know me, you’ll know there’s a reason. We’ve got this thing where we both want to look after each other, and be looked after. There’s a tenderness between us.
No doubt he’ll be rather angry that I’ve written so publicly about how I feel again – turns out he does read the blog after all 
but I’m afraid that’s just how it is, so.
Last weekend I went to see Kristy for her birthday (she’s like 21 or something). She’s gone all brunette and everything. It is a major change. I did like it, but, to be fair, Kristy is one of those girls, she’s pretty – so she looks good brunette, blonde, red, blue, pink – it wouldn’t matter. It’s nice for a change, but I’ve a feeling she’ll go lighter in time. This is the voice of experience.
We had an awesome time – errr, of course. I got to meet her husband properly (met him for the first time at the wedding), to begin with he was a little wary of me, or at least that’s the impression I got. I forget that I can be a bit in your face and over-familiar at first. It’s hard not to when you’re with old friends too. He drunkenly said at one point ‘when Kristy and I are multi-millionaires I will let you sponge off us and come on holiday with us and stuff’ – that’s acceptance. Right?
I’m looking forward to my birthday and Christmas, sort of worrying about getting presents for everyone but I’m sure I’ll find a way. With any luck I’ll have a job by then!! It’s late – 11pm – and I’ve got to get some stuff together and drive to Blackpool. I’ve been really tired today and not got half the stuff done that I set out to do. I suppose I can do it next week. Going to take Esme (my chinese dwarf hamster) with me as she had eaten all of her food when Tom came to check on her last week!
She’s so cute. Got her to eat out of my hand a few times yesterday – she’s getting used to me.
I’d better start getting ready to go.
Right.
I’m going.
OK.
Bye.
