Wank holiday weekend.

Howdy y’all,

so it’s wank holiday weekend, which still means nothing to me, because every weekend could be a bank holiday as far as I’m concerned as I have no job, and could technically spend all day every day of the week doing fuck all (and frequently do). I’ve brought Jonny back to Sheffield with me, so that we can study together. For moral support and that. So we can motivate each other. So far we have done a total of ZERO amount of work, but we have high hopes for the rest of the day. I’m currently half way through running a bath (hot water ran out), and after we’ve had a bath, we’re TOTALLY going to do LOADS of work. Jonny has an exam on Wednesday, then Wednesday night it’s Gallows (as I think I mentioned before). Thursday is The Antics. So looks like I’ll be doing a Manchester-Sheffield-Manchester-Sheffield-Manchester run this week. The upside of all of this driving is that I’m getting loads of miles under my belt (like…. 18k so far in Growler), which basically improves your driving. I’m also totally chilled out when it comes to traffic, no lane hopping or tooting the horn malarky for me. I’ve narrowly avoided dozens of collisions (none of which were my fault I’m happy to note), all of which are from people *simply not looking*. Yes you do have mirrors for a reason, but it isn’t illegal to move your ACTUAL head to see either. Twats. The downside of driving so far is petrol costs and tyre wear, both of which are the bane of my driving life atm.

I think my optimism for winning the lottery has rubbed off a bit on Jonny as he’s now started to play. He’s even planned what he’d do with the £110m he’s going to win on the euromillions. He’s said he’d generously give me 20% of anything he won… so thats…. £22m. He asked what I’d do with it… well. Obviously, give it all to my Pops, lest I fritter it all away. And maybe keep… like, 200k for frittering over summer.

It’s almost got to the point now where I’m actually *disappointed* that I haven’t won. I’m so deluded. Like, you know when people win they’re all like ‘omg I can’t believe it, I never thought I’d win it’s like impossible’ etc, well, I’d be like that 95%. 5% of me would be like ‘yeah, it’s about time I won. Always knew I was gonna.’

If all of this sounds like the ramblings of an unemployed brat who doesn’t know the value of money, then it probably is.

Right, I’ve got a bath to run, so I’d better get off. Then rest of day is definitely going to be spent doing scriptwriting. Seriously.

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Summer’s coming…

Another sunny (but still a bit chilly) day! I’ve had the window open all morning, although I am still under a quilt.

I swear I’m the absolute worst procrastinator in the world – how do I ever get anything done? Oh wait, that’s right. I don’t :-p

I wish I could win the lottery, because then I could do away with all of this stressing and do what I wanted. I’m sure everyone’s decided what they’d do if they won the lottery… how bad is it that mine really depends on how much I won? Because yeah, one million sounds a lot, but you couldn’t do *everything* you wanted with it. I think 600 million would be better, because then you truly would have more money than sense, and at least in your lifetime you wouldn’t have to worry about money again. Plus remember, I’ve got a big family and loads of friends who I’d sort out too. You can’t do all of that with one million. OK, compromise. 20 million. Maybe, 50.

Anyway, of course, I’ve already decided what I’d do with it – stuff for *me* you understand. Yes I’d sort everyone else out too but what would they need? And… where does it stop? You can’t buy one friend a car and then not the other. Hmm. They say mo money mo problems, I think what it really means is, more money, bigger problems. Zillionaires don’t worry about how to pay their mobile phone bill this month. I suppose, what you’d have to do is, get people to submit to you what they needed and why. Or you could wait til it was their birthday. Hmmm difficult.

Maybe the best thing to do would be to keep it a secret as much as possible. But I am pretty terrible at that. People would wonder where the Gallardo Superleggera came from – ‘what? this old thing? oh I traded Growler in and got a good deal.’ Yeah right. Actually I would never get rid of Growler. I’d just have the lambo for weekends.

I’d build a big mansion somewhere in the north, Lancashire or Cheshire or somewhere. It would be Pops’ house, but there would be enough room for all of us and our friends. We’d have a separate outbuilding for parties and stuff, with a bar and an awesome soundsystem. Underground we’d have a swimming pool and a cellar. Games room for the boys and a spa room for the girls. It’d be built out of lots of natural materials… stone and lots of wood. We’d have a large residential wind turbine and solar panels, and underground heating. I’d have a massive garden, and employ someone full time to make it beautiful, with fountains and lots of places for the local wildlife. There would be an area for farmyard animals too, a few pigs and chickens, and goats for Pops. Naturally I’d have lots of cats.

We’d all have a room at home but we could live in one of the many apartments our family company owned. We could go on holidays around the world and take our friends to remote islands for amazing parties.

There are only 2 things you could never buy… time, and health. Of course you’d have more time if you weren’t working, but I bet you’d have just as many commitments, to charity stuff, family and friends and making sure everything was secure. The inner circle would become tighter than ever, to make sure nobody was taking advantage of us because of our wealth – I think we’d have it right though. Still would be difficult to trust.

How much do you reckon all that lot would cost then? More than a mil

Although I wouldn’t say no to a million.

In fact I wouldn’t say no to a tenner right now. Hmph.

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