Hulk Hogan Camera

I have always loved photographs – my parents took loads when we were babies and of us growing up, quite a lot of these were destroyed by my mum when she had an episode back in 2000, but many still remain in those old fashioned albums with adhesive and clear film over the top to display them… probably somewhere in dad’s basement. I need to take a week this year and scan them all in so that we have electronic copies – it would no doubt take a full week!

When I was about 8 or 9 my mum bought me a second-hand yellow Hulk Hogan camera. Now I wasn’t really a fan of wrestling, but I was a fan of yellow things, so it worked out. Hulk Hogan isn’t very girly but at least everyone knows who he is.

I remember taking this camera on holiday with us when we went to Wales – we always stayed at Presthaven Sands, near Rhyl. It’s a Haven holiday camp, which I always thought was a poor man’s Butlins. We didn’t go abroad, on a family holiday, until 1998 – and I was 13 by then. I assumed it was because we couldn’t afford to go abroad for a holiday, mum and dad always said it was because Ryan was too young. No doubt it was a mixture of having limited means and a young family both – regardless we always had a fairly awesome time at Haven anyway. The playgrounds are amazing at Haven- they’ve got a massive zipline, a virtually vertical million foot tall metal slide, which you had to go in an itchy sack to ride… and a concrete toboggan – I’m not even joking. I don’t know if they are still there or not… I’d definitely like to visit again.

I got a few rolls of film for my yellow (Hulk Hogan) camera, and snapped away. I remember making Melanie and Rachel jump as high as they could so that I could capture them in mid air. We went down to the beach one day and made little rockeries out of the fist-sized smooth pebbles in the sand, which I also documented with my camera. At night we put on our nicest outfits and went to the ‘tiger club’ (?) where we played games and got our faces painted, and bought extortionately expensive fibre optic light toys and other related knick-knackerie. All of this was subject for my camera.

When we got home, I had the film developed.

Lo and behold, Hulk Hogan had made his way into every photograph. In the right bottom corner. There he was, in semi-transparent glory, like a miniature ghost.

Mel and Rach on the beach – Hulk Hogan.

Phil and John on their bikes – Hulk Hogan.

Our caravan – Hulk Hogan.

Me in my best dress and lycra cycling shorts underneath – HULK HOGAN.

Well, from what I can remember, I wasn’t best pleased. I changed my mind when I took the photos in to school and showed my English teacher… who found it hilarious. I then found it hilarious, and Hulky was forgiven.

As I got into my teens, I started to buy disposable cameras from Boots. These had processing included, so it was a good deal. Also, if I drunkenly lost it on a night out, I wasn’t that bothered. For Christmas one year Curtis bought me a digital camera, and I haven’t really looked back, I love taking photos of things. Memories alone are all well and good, but I find that I tend to forget the smaller details. Photos are ace to remind you of stuff you thought you’d forgotten, and when we’re old and fat and worried, we can look back and see how gorgeous and firm and full of life we once were.

I think it’s about time I bought myself a new digital camera, my current one is nearing the end of it’s life now, but I’ve looked after it so it has lasted for years and years. Maybe I’ll get myself one for my birthday. I appreciate sophisticated photography but I think I lack the dedication to learn how to do it properly. Point and shoot suits me just fine.

It’s a gorgeous day today and it’s my last week with any time off before I go full time in my new job, so I think I’ll head into town and pester Emma T or something.

Adios!

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Academic nightmares

Hiya. Just woke up… 10am. I suppose I should be grateful or some shit for that. You know, that I don’t have a proper job and can therefore sleep until very late morning/lunchtime.

I have promised myself that today I am going to be extremely productive. Pops has just text me to say that my new passport will cost £72, and do I know I have 3 years left on my current one. I am fully aware that I have 3 years left on my current one, I am also aware that if I have to endure 3 more years of being the ‘frog lady’ I might have to consider being a social recluse. I know everyone says their passport photo is terrible, but mine *really is*. Every time I have had to show it (pretty much every time I do something that requires you to be over 18) I’ve had to withstand sniggers at best, and outright hysteria and even being *turned away* because they don’t believe it’s me.

Being 16/17 wasn’t easy for me, and it is a particularly bad photo – looks like I hadn’t washed my hair in a few days, it was dark at the roots and a gingery colour elsewhere, I had my somerfield uniform on (I can’t find a picture of the old uniform, but it was a polyester candy-striped monstrosity), and I think I’d put as much make up on as possible to try and disguise being so unprepared for a photo that was to last me 10 years. I’d always been told not to properly smile in passport photos, so I sort of did a half-smile/smug grin expression. I basically looked fucking AWFUL.

So I’ve had new ones done. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want a photo that looks better than I am in real life (that might even be worse than having a terrible photo), but as long as it sort of resembles me and isn’t laughably bad.

Sometimes I wish I had a prettier face, but then maybe people wouldn’t take me as seriously. Besides, being 24 might be super-old for uni, but I’ve learnt a lot since I was 16, a couple of ground rules and guidelines to live by, which have served me well in recent times and helped me to prevent repeating some terrible mistakes:

1) fringes are a BAD idea. There is a REASON you grew it out. You are NOT 5 years old any more.

BAD IDEA.

Aged 5, acceptable.

2) unless the look you’re going for is trampy drag queen, with makeup, less is usually adequate.

3) if your hair really needs washing, don’t tie it up in a ponytail, it looks 10 times worse.

4) if you pick an outfit and you truly feel like a dick in it, especially if it’s really fashionable right now, don’t wear it. Or if you do wear it, don’t be photographed in it.

5) don’t work at Somerfield.

6) doing fake tan yourself: just asking for trouble.

7) never let your sister wax your legs/armpit – ouch.

8 ) white eyeliner all round your eyes? great if you want to look like an alien.

 

9) if your new shoes hurt the second you put them on, don’t wear them. If they hurt after 30 mins, strap yourself up with plasters before you go out.

10) if your top is a bit revealing and doesn’t support your bosoms (no matter what size they are), jump up and down a bit, and if you pop out or expose yourself, either get changed, or be prepared for that to happen whilst you’re out.

11) I say ‘keys purse phone’ to myself every time I leave the house. That way you don’t get to the till and realise you’ve left your purse on the side.

12) I carry tissues in my bag – haven’t had to ‘drip dry’ or try to covertly wipe snot away for years.

13) don’t expect to find love in a nightclub.

14) boyfriends come and go, but friends are forever (and some boyfriends turn into friends, and forever friends are few in number)

15) we’ve all made mistakes and done things we regret or are ashamed of – don’t let it ruin your life, chin up and move on. You can’t change what you have done, but you can change what you’re about to do.

OK I think I’d better stop the list now, we’re getting into preachy cliche territory :-p

Right I’d better get on with my uni work, have lost a lot of enthusiasm for it now but… final push and all that. You know, I’ve been here since 2003 and I’ve had some amazing experiences and learnt a lot, wouldn’t change a thing, but I’ve never really gotten into uni. It’s a shame, but I’ve tried over and over and it hasn’t stuck. I have had enough.

Now I’ve got 2 weeks to finish my final year work… scary.

It won’t be painless, but at least it will be quick.

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