Posts Tagged ‘Uni’

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Detox and that kinda shizz.

April 27, 2009

Hello again fair readers, I believe the last you heard was my dissertation panic, well, that’s over now.

And I expected a sense of relief, and I sort of got it, but it was overshadowed by the feeling of guilt at underachieving, knowing that what I handed in was a…. piece of shit. And nothing remotely resembling what I could have done if I’d spent a whole semester on it. Anyway – it’s over now. And there’s no point in me saying ‘I could have done this’ and ‘I’m capable of that’ because if you don’t prove it, it means fucking nothing.

I think the problems I’ve had with uni are so numerous that this is what it has come to. My main gripes have been that there is so little contact time, it’s almost not worth bothering going in. So then you stop going in. Not going in means you don’t make proper bonds with others from your course, so when you DO go in, nobody knows who you are, you don’t have a partner for tasks etc – demoralising at best. This semester I’ve basically been doing a distance course – I’ve done all the reading you see. I do read the lectures online, and all of the stuff we’re studying (even if it is all a load of wank a la Mrs Dalloway). This is how I manage to keep on top.

Anyway I don’t want to talk about uni any more, it’s depressing. Suffice it to say: I have about 4 assignment deadlines and two exams before the end of May, at which time it will be OVER and DONE with, and THANK FUCK. Until next semester of course, where I’ll be going back to repeat a fucking poetry module so that I can actually graduate. Yes you heard me right, I won’t graduate til 2010. I’ll be ALMOST 26. That’s the wrong side of 25, although of course I’ll still be 21 so it’s not so bad.

Got my new passport (ankers pops) which is decidedly less heinous than the previous one, although I do look very washed out, but it does have a chip/transmitter in it which is quite exciting. Hurrah for new ID. Hurrah for still needing ID.

Hitchhiker’s went AMAZINGLY, I love SHU Drama, and pretty much everyone in it. I even made friends with Waters (who apparently doesn’t hate me after all). Final night was awesome, and we did the usual self-congratulatory speeches, applauding and so forth. We’re not proper luvvies but there was a lot of ‘oh you were AMAZING’ ‘no YOU were AMAZING’ going on – nothing wrong with that though. Reminded me a bit of the end of school plays – to be honest they aren’t much different except we manage ourselves and you can’t legitimately get out of lessons to practise. I have to say I was a little disappointed at the lack of interest my family/boyfriend showed in the whole thing, it’s bigger than they realise. Pretty much everyone else’s friends/family/boyfriends went. I suppose mine are all sick of watching me prance around the stage like a dickhead by now. (But you’ll never guess who showed up for me on Weds night? Of course, the illustrious Yorkshire Boy! So he might not have made a special trip, but he came. Bless you YB.) Most of us went to Leadmill and I had too much black sambuca… and was sick, on the dancefloor if I remember correctly. It wasn’t a slurry/slump on the floor kind of sick though, it was more of a ‘oh, there’s some sick. Carry on!’ kind of sick. Which was nice. Met some new friends… strictly platonic of course. Foulksy went to A&E after bashing her skull – I bet it’s a delicate little skull, poor Foulksy. Some people got together openly, and others secretly…

Yes. Repeating poetry is shit but it means I can be part of SHU Drama for another year!

 

So anyway, the main point of this post is to tell you what IS going to happen. Well this week I’m starting a detox diet, which involves, quite simply, fruit and veg, and not much else. This will of course be easier for me as I already shun the flesh of other creatures, but as anyone who knows me will tell you (what a terrible phrase that is), I am not the biggest fan of vegetables – but they have grown on me as I’ve gotten older. Not literally of course that would be gross.

So basically, this diet is: I can eat any veg and fruit I want, as much as I want whenever I want. I can only drink water, the more of which is the better. I can also have unsalted nuts and pulses (like lentils and that kinda shizz). I also have to have some kind of oil (in small quantities) daily.

I have to cut out: salt, bread, eggs, butter, cheese, pasta, potatoes – basically what I normally eat! :-p

I don’t think it will be too hard. Fruit I already like includes: grapes, melons, apples, bananas, coconuts, pineapple, mangos, oranges (most kinds), peaches, and pears. Veg I already like includes: broccoli, cabbage, carrots, cauliflower, mushrooms, sweet potatoes (do they count as potatoes though? because I’m not supposed to have them), baby sweetcorn, butternut squash, spinach, green beans, parsnips and cucumber.

Fruit and veg I WILL NOT eat because I HATE: strawberries, kiwi, grapefruit, courgettes, chillies, ONIONS in all their forms, aparagus, aubergine, avocadoes, celery, peppers and tomatoes – I can have tomatoes if they’re mixed in with something else though.

Fruit and Veg I am going to try because I’m not sure if I like them or not: dragon fruit, karela, papaya, passion fruit, physalis, plums, casava, chayote, choi sum, dudhi, eddhoes, mooli, okra, pak choi, plantain, tindori, turia, yam, leeks, turnips, suede, marrow and beetroot.

I know you think I’ve made some of them up, but they’re real. That’s LOADS of stuff I could eat.

Thus commences my fresh food adventure: I’ll let you know how it all goes. I’m looking forward to weighing less, and having clearer skin… and more energy. We’ll see…

I’d better get on with this work anyway – I didn’t do any over the weekend because I went to help Mel move flat, and saw Jonny for a bit. This week we’re going to Leeds for Katie’s birthday, going to see Cancer Bats - cue lots of shouting, drinks getting thrown about, people losing their shoes, random acts of violence and mostly unwanted bodily contact from sweaty strangers. But them lot are pretty cool so it’ll be OK :-)

Woop.

Also, finally, it’s Amanda Taylor’s birthday today, so if you know her, do give her your best wishes. Happy Birthday Amanda! (She’s the philosopher in Durham, and the one who died but didn’t die).

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Goals for summer:

April 18, 2009
  1. finish all uni work
  2. new haircut
  3. detox diet
  4. bit of colour (maybe sunbed/spray tan aided)
  5. move into awesome flat w/ Jonny in Manchester
  6. get a reasonable full time job in Manchester
  7. learn to ride a motorbike and do CBT minimum
  8. firm up the bum (this goal has been going on for about 10 years)
  9. have an amazing holiday (already booked!)
  10. earn lots of money to ensure disposable income for more SHOES

So some of these are more important than others.

Just having a break from writing my portfolio…

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Dissertation madness

April 17, 2009

This will have to be brief as I’m being a total skiver and not doing the work I’m supposed to be doing.

Yesterday, and this morning, I had a total panic attack as I’ve done my usual and left things to the last minute again. Well it’s OK to leave 2500 word essays about bollocks to the last minute, but to leave an entire portfolio of a year’s work to the last minute is NOT wise. To be fair, I’ve done bits here and there over the past few months, which have given me valuable starting blocks, but right now I’m stressing out of my ACTUAL TREE about it.

Well I was… this evening I’ve relaxed off a bit, as worrying was giving me a headache and I wasn’t being productive at all. It doesn’t help that Adsetts (the library/learning centre/place you need to be to do work at uni) is only open from 9-5, which are clearly not my waking hours, nor are they any other students’. Doesn’t go back to 24 hour opening til Tuesday and since my hand in is on Wednesday – by which time it had better be finished or else I’m actually going to throw myself off a building. Not even joking. – then that’s no good to me is it? Or anyone else for that matter.

And after this it’s not much better either, I’ve got another massive deadline the week after, and then another one after that. This is the biggie though.

So anyway, I’d better get off and do it. I just wanted you all to know that until Wednesday I am strictly off limits (even though we’ve got an all day rehearsal on Monday and then performance of Hitchhikers on Tuesday night… wtf). Added to that, is what seems to be my heaviest period to date, TMI statement coming up but it’s like I’m seriously hemorrhaging blood here… I know for a *fact* that my womb is fucking tiny, so where is it all coming from?! And why does my body feel I can spare that amount? I clearly can’t!

Arrrgghhhh worst/busiest weekend/week of my life coming up.

Arrrgghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

PANIC STATIONS PANIC STATIONS PANIC STATIONS!!!!

Breathe.

It’s OK.

I’ll get it done.

I always do.

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Dirty Lesbian Threesome Orgasm Sex – say what?

April 14, 2009

Hello all – I think they were right when they sang on Avenue Q that the internet is for porn. The funniest thing is, I think you can really learn a lot about someone’s sexual preferences by the porn they search for… in my (limited) experience of browsing through boyfriend’s searches and visited websites, there is always some common feature – from the regular stuff, eg ‘cum shots’ to slightly less regular stuff (not going to mention any in case I incriminate an ex).

Anyway – the reason I’ve labelled this post thus, is that I recently found out that people can search your blog for keywords and post titles and stuff, and this is how to generate ‘traffic’, or people to visit. Well – if you’ve visited (and read this far) and what you were really looking for was dirty lesbian threesome orgasm sex, then you might want to visit this site instead - go on, off you pop.

So far I’ve had next to no people reading (mostly because it’s on my facebook so no need to visit here), so we shall see if our erotic title really does boost readership. To be fair, it’s probably not the kind of reader one wants, but at the moment beggars cannot be choosers.

I also had 6 comments to approve (only just getting used to this wordpress lark), unfortunately they were all about penis enlargement or police car auctions. Hmph.

Anyway. I also joined twitter, as you can see from the widget I added. I am yet to find a truly worthwhile use for it but I suppose it’s there should I need it. At the moment I have like 4 friends or something so feel free to ‘follow’ me, or if you haven’t got an account, set one up and follow me :-)

Right now I should be doing my final year work, it’s due in around 160 hours… that’s quite scary. Facing the possibility of ending up with a shit classification… wondering what *real* impact that will have on my life and if I might just lie about it anyway to get proverbial foot in office door. I’ve been sat here at my laptop for about 6 hours today, and I’d say around 5 of them were spent on ebay, looking at flats in manchester, looking at jobs in manchester, looking at club nights in manchester, looking at cat adoption sites, looking at car hire in malaga, looking at mods for my car (not as chavvy as it sounds), reading other people’s blogs, and of course, wondering wtf is up with facebook when it goes all fucked up and aligned to the left. I have also been disconnected and promptly reconnected to our wireless network around 37 times (fucking cheap bastard internet wireless fucking bastard.)  Sorry but it is tres annoying.

So lately people have been like, ‘so what are you going to do?’ by which they mean, what I am going to do with *the rest of my life*, something I should have had to answer to many years ago, but I have been putting off and staying at uni which was actually a bad thing as I am now well past my sell by date in uni terms, and lack motivation so much that it’s saddening how short I’m selling myself with it all. Anyway let’s not dwell. In terms of life goals, I suppose I’d just like to be happy – and I’m fairly happy now, except for dealing with Other People’s Shit, because when someone asks me for help I just can’t say no. Don’t get me wrong (especially if you’re a recipient of said help), I don’t mind doing it *mostly*, just, I do have my own shit to do and people forget that sometimes. My Pops has been what we kids call ‘on one’ lately, as he has a much larger version of my problem – dealing with Other People’s Shit when he has his own shit to do. And one wouldn’t mind so much, if people did some shit back for you. But THEY NEVER DONE IT.

This is why despite headache-inducing stress from certain things I have tried to keep it to myself and not bother others, especially Pops, and I think others have been following this trend, which would be great, only I’m second in the chain of shit command. If Pops can’t help with your shit (or you don’t want to burden him) ask Gem. (If Gem can’t help you, you’re fucked.) It’s a detestable thing to think about, and doesn’t want thinking about, but you do hope you’ll outlive your parents. Unfortunately for me, this will probably mean assuming the full boatload of Pop’s share of Other People’s Shit. Well I can tell you this for free; and mark my words youngsters, I shan’t be as soft and no mistake.

Pops doesn’t want you to end up destitute and in jail (despite years of help), but Gem – she no care.

OK. Maybe I won’t be that bad. But you’ll have to handle your own shit under my rule.

Enough of that I think.

Other recent events/planned events of note are thus: on Sunday (12th April) it was the 1 year mark for Jonny and I (official mark). We didn’t do much, but we made an amazing tea (I did do some, don’t listen to Jonny. Carrots and parsnips don’t prepare themselves. Mash doesn’t mash itself. And OK I didn’t touch the dead lamb but I did sprinkle seasoning on it, so, eff you) look out for facebook photos of that amazing spread. I didn’t eat the dead lamb (obvs) but I had 4 yorkshire puddings to make up for it. Yorkshire puddings + clear conscience > dead lamb.

Tomorrow I’m meeting Gav – friend and man about town – for an interview for my portfolio. More on that tomorrow I guess. Then it’s Laura’s birthday on Thursday – haven’t seen her in AGES, and no doubt celebrations will be postponed until uni is over, fair enough. It’s also Tanner’s belated birthday get together this weekend at Emma T’s…. got a feeling I’ll have to decline, or at absolute best pop round for an hour or something – annoying as I haven’t seen the gay dames in AGES.

It’s also the performance of the play I’m in – Hitchhiker’s Guide – next week, Tues/Weds/Thurs, which nicely coincided with my CW portfolio hand in, supposedly the culmination of 6 years at uni. Busiest week of my life so far looming I fear.

And what I am doing? Sat here writing a load of shit on a blog, whose only really interested reader is ME.

Right I’m off.

Happy birthday Katie – am looking forward to a night out in Leeds with Jonny’s team… even though I don’t like shouty music/sweaty boys/overenthusiastic body thrashing – hope my passport comes back in time or else I’m in trouble.

Right. Seeya.

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Postscript – I really should stop watching little britain/trailer park boys/curb your enthusiasm/flight of the conchords – as I can no longer say/write anything without their influence.

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Academic nightmares

April 7, 2009

Hiya. Just woke up… 10am. I suppose I should be grateful or some shit for that. You know, that I don’t have a proper job and can therefore sleep until very late morning/lunchtime.

I have promised myself that today I am going to be extremely productive. Pops has just text me to say that my new passport will cost £72, and do I know I have 3 years left on my current one. I am fully aware that I have 3 years left on my current one, I am also aware that if I have to endure 3 more years of being the ‘frog lady’ I might have to consider being a social recluse. I know everyone says their passport photo is terrible, but mine *really is*. Every time I have had to show it (pretty much every time I do something that requires you to be over 18) I’ve had to withstand sniggers at best, and outright hysteria and even being *turned away* because they don’t believe it’s me.

Being 16/17 wasn’t easy for me, and it is a particularly bad photo – looks like I hadn’t washed my hair in a few days, it was dark at the roots and a gingery colour elsewhere, I had my somerfield uniform on (I can’t find a picture of the old uniform, but it was a polyester candy-striped monstrosity), and I think I’d put as much make up on as possible to try and disguise being so unprepared for a photo that was to last me 10 years. I’d always been told not to properly smile in passport photos, so I sort of did a half-smile/smug grin expression. I basically looked fucking AWFUL.

So I’ve had new ones done. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want a photo that looks better than I am in real life (that might even be worse than having a terrible photo), but as long as it sort of resembles me and isn’t laughably bad.

Sometimes I wish I had a prettier face, but then maybe people wouldn’t take me as seriously. Besides, being 24 might be super-old for uni, but I’ve learnt a lot since I was 16, a couple of ground rules and guidelines to live by, which have served me well in recent times and helped me to prevent repeating some terrible mistakes:

1) fringes are a BAD idea. There is a REASON you grew it out. You are NOT 5 years old any more.

2) unless the look you’re going for is trampy drag queen, with makeup, less is usually adequate.

3) if your hair really needs washing, don’t tie it up in a ponytail, it looks 10 times worse.

4) if you pick an outfit and you truly feel like a dick in it, especially if it’s really fashionable right now, don’t wear it. Or if you do wear it, don’t be photographed in it.

5) don’t work at Somerfield.

6) doing fake tan yourself: just asking for trouble.

7) never let your sister wax your legs/armpit – ouch.

8 ) white eyeliner all round your eyes? great if you want to look like an alien.

white eyeliner bad idea

 

9) if your new shoes hurt the second you put them on, don’t wear them. If they hurt after 30 mins, strap yourself up with plasters before you go out.

10) if your top is a bit revealing and doesn’t support your bosoms (no matter what size they are), jump up and down a bit, and if you pop out or expose yourself, either get changed, or be prepared for that to happen whilst you’re out.

11) I say ‘keys purse phone’ to myself every time I leave the house. That way you don’t get to the till and realise you’ve left your purse on the side.

12) I carry tissues in my bag – haven’t had to ‘drip dry’ or try to covertly wipe snot away for years.

13) don’t expect to find love in a nightclub.

14) boyfriends come and go, but friends are forever (and some boyfriends turn into friends, and forever friends are few in number)

15) we’ve all made mistakes and done things we regret or are ashamed of – don’t let it ruin your life, chin up and move on. You can’t change what you have done, but you can change what you’re about to do.

OK I think I’d better stop the list now, we’re getting into preachy cliche territory :-p

Right I’d better get on with my uni work, have lost a lot of enthusiasm for it now but… final push and all that. You know, I’ve been here since 2003 and I’ve had some amazing experiences and learnt a lot, wouldn’t change a thing, but I’ve never really gotten into uni. It’s a shame, but I’ve tried over and over and it hasn’t stuck. I have had enough.

Now I’ve got 2 weeks to finish my final year work… scary.

It won’t be painless, but at least it will be quick.

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